So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
