My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When are your genitals available?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize