I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
