Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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