I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
