She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
