hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I did not marry a roomba.
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