Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
