How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
