I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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