Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
