Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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