thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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