So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My ass is underappreciated
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
