Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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