saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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