when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize