didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
