How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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