She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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