I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
