Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
