You can't motorboat a personality
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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