So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm bleeding and have questions
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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