i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize