we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
