She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
