i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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