Buhtt sex?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
