he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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