So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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