that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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