I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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