Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
