Got a toothbrush?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
