This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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