that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
