How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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