Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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