Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
