I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
