I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
