I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
