This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
