4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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