They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
