he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize