found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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