Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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