on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
