Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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