my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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