Someone shit on the floor
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
