the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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