If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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