if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
