There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drake has all the answers
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
