I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
