Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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