i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
