so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
