Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
