if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
