if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
